Cuff Coaching

Today I had the opportunity to coach and mentor one of my colleagues - I am lucky that I get to do this within my job and enjoy being able to challenge, question and expanding others thinking. I use the word mentor here as for me there is a difference. In this particular role I was mentoring more than coaching.  Coaching is what my Masters research was based on and I am fascinated by how coaching can have such a powerful impact on  persons development. Some of the following paragraphs are taken from my thesis - explaining the concept of what a coach is (mainly within the educational sector , however I easily see how this transfers to any business).  It is important that a definition of coaching is clear, and the difference between coaching and mentoring identified. Coaching has been frequently described as a  partnership to support individuals to reach goals through targeted and focused conversations, focusing on improvement (Aguilar, 2013; Connor & Pokora, 2012;...

 A new year is upon us - let's hope that this year will be significantly better than 2020. However, whilst we dealt with COVID  (and many countries are still in the midst of it) we do have to acknowledge to ourselves the things that were positive for us - it gave us a chance to reflect on what is really important to us and then to start making those changes. But how long did it take before we fell back into the same rut as before? Did we create any new habits and actually sustain them - or did life get in the way and we found ourselves back doing the same thing over and over.  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is something we have all heard of. In fact the saying usually has the word "Insanity" at the start. If we truly want to change something we actually have to do something straight way to make it happen. We can't just accept that it will happen for us - we need to practice it and put the time into it. For instance if we want a job...

I started writing this post a number of weeks ago - and due to just pure exhaustion and the daily end of year grind it came to a complete halt. This was let down for myself as I have tried to make it a habit - but as the stressors of the end of the end of year started to impact it was important to let some things be idle and accept that this is what is was for the time being. Everytime I began to write I had a block - which is my indication that my brain was struggling to be creative.  It was a full on term, with so many new challenges along the way. Not just with getting things done but with problem solving different situations with a variety of people. One of the many things that we can easily forget in all our stressors is that how we see things is completely different to how others perceive things. For instance we may feel that we have communicated clearly but the person hearing it can take it and turn it around on to hear in a number of different ways. This can then have flow ...

 Recently I have been reading more work from Brene Brown - The Gifts of Imperfection. I've read and followed Brene now for a number of years and really enjoyed this particular book. One thing that really resonated with me was her chapter on Meaningful work. Interestingly enough I had just finished reading this chapter when my daughter, who is extremely creative, said to me "Aren't you lucky to have someone who can bake so well (she's decorates and makes cakes in her spare time), play the piano and teach dance? I'm just amazing..."  And it really made me stop and think - yes she is pretty amazing.  I was bought up in the era of one job for life...and as we know now that isn't the case. But what got me from that conversation with my daughter was the ability for her to transfer all her skills across a number of work opportunities and make meaning of what she does. She makes little money off her cake decorating - for her it's her meaningful work. She does ...

What a crazy, busy short week it has been! I'm writing this post after having just been to the gym - writing this late is not what I normally do and a few factors have led to me now sitting down in some peace and quiet so that I actually have time to think and reflect.  Training later in the day is not a habit for me - I'm usually up at the crack of dawn, in the gym, home to eat, get changed and head off to work. But knowing I had three big days at work (one of them going until 9pm at night) I reorganised myself so that I trained in the afternoon. Please note that no matter how crazy things get training is always done. That's one of my habits. For me training helps me reset myself and spend some time giving something back to me - especially in days where I feel like all I have done is give to others all day (we all know how that feels). The other habit is to get this blog out on a Thursday during school term time.  So as a coach I've had to think about what can I do to ...

 It's been a pretty crazy, chaotic couple of weeks! I've been juggling lots both personally and professionally and trying to stay positive throughout it. I do have a habit of usually looking at the positive side of things - in fact my kids usually tell me that (my saying tends to be...but on the positive side ...) In fact I think I wrote that in a text message this morning.  The power of positive thinking has been heavily researched throughout the last ten years. We know that positive thinking makes us happier, more successful and brings our anxiety levels down. We know that positive thinking changes the way that we approach our relationships and our workplace and we also know that through positive thinking we can turn things around for ourselves in numerous ways. We also know from the research that negative thoughts cause us to go into the fight or flight mode. Our breathing and heartbeats increase, our cortisol levels increase, our brains go into impulsive thinking patterns....

 It's been a couple of weeks since my last post due to the break with school. Our school non contact time is always such an important time to refresh, to repair ourselves and usually to catch up with all those other things that we tend to let go during term time. This break was a particularly hard one with a bereavement.  However, along with this was the time to get away for a few days, have a few laughs, take some time with loved ones and reflect on all the great things that make life so fulfilling.  One thing that I have been focusing on is how to include more ways to develop more spiritual practices within my daily life. I have used tai chi, chi gong, yoga and other breathing practices but never really connected with them deep enough. I like to go for a walk, but even then find it hard to slow it down and really just appreciate all that is around me. However, over the break I made one  discovery, which led to a conversation with my girlfriend who was staying with ...

  “Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up.” ―  Stephen Hawking This week I've been reading the book "The Advice Trap : Be humble, stay curious and change the way you lead forever." The majority of this book I understand from all the work that I do in coaching and the readings that I do linked to coaching. As a coach we need to be curious. We have to ask the questions without giving the advice. It's something that we have to practice - and master. We so often want to fix the problem, to jump in and give our two cents (especially when we can easily see the solution). But this doesn't help the person that we are working with. Our job is to help them come up with their own solutions, their own ahaha moment.  So why is curios...

 Challenging conversations are something that occur often in a leadership role. Over the last few days I've had a few of them. We all hate difficult conversations. And yet they are something that we have to have often - whether it is in our job, with our kids, with our partner and so on.  I have yet to identify anyone that puts their hand up and says "yes, I'm happy to have that difficult conversation!" Instead the amount of times that people readily put their hand up and say "I hate having difficult conversations and am not good at them so can someone else do it?" is endless. No-one likes difficult conversations - there is something so confronting about having to have them. We tend to spend most of the time predicting what might happen if we have it, we tell our own story in our head over and over, we try to guess what the outcome will be, we have the conversation in our head...and so on and so on (sound familiar?) It's our fear of the consequences that...

This week I have been planning and organising my oldest daughter's 21st birthday. Whilst in the midst of all of the planning of the food and organising all the other bits that we have planned it has provided me with an opportunity to really think deeply about her character traits.  One of the traits that I connect closely to her is Courage. The dictionary defines courage as " the ability to do something that frightens one, be brave, show strength in the face of pain or grief." This got me thinking about what courage means for individuals and if she is even aware of this strong personality stance. From her teenage years she has demonstrated courage in all sorts of forms and has had the strength to say what she believes and to show up when she can't control the outcome of the conversation. I am immensely proud of her for this - especially when she has made some difficult decisions that have had an impact on her - but she has never wavered from her courage to speak up.  ...

 I am privileged in my coaching role to be privy to lots of open and deep discussions, where people can  be brave enough to show their vulnerability. This is one of the most important aspects of a coaches role - being able to listen, with non judgement, and to then help the person they are working with come to realisations themselves. One thing that I love about being a coach is being able to hear people and the stories they tell themselves, and then being in a position to help support that person to really know themselves. I've talked about this briefly before - Know Yourself. When you know yourself you understand your emotions, your social identities, your values and personality. You can then gain clarity around your purpose in life. If you know your purpose you will feel anchored in what you are doing and you as a being.  When you truly know yourself you are acutely aware of your values and your beliefs - these values and beliefs may change over time (and should) and y...

 Last night I decided that I was going to go to the gym after work today. I knew that I had a fairly free afternoon and I know that it is easier to lift when I've actually eaten throughout the day. The only problem is that since Lockdown I have moved my training back to the morning. I'm typically a morning person in general and don't function so well after 4pm. Maybe it's the 28 years of teaching that means I'm worn out at the end of the day, or the fact that as a child I was always up and about, even as a teenager.  So I have found by going back to the gym in the mornings fits better for me and how I feel. So with all real intent I decided to go to the gym in the afternoon - knowing all the reasons why I should. I can usually lift better, I'm not hungry etc etc...So what was the problem with my plan? My habits.  I wake up at the same time regardless. SO when I was wide awake at 5:30 I knew there was no point in even contemplating trying to go back to sleep. So ...

This year has been unique for everyone with COVID 19 and many people have had to adapt themselves. Whether it be their working situation, their home situation or just life in general. Certainly as a leader I am constantly reflecting on and observing those around me - often when there is a problem that needs to be solved I have to go back to the "What do I believe, how could I be wrong?" questions that will then help me look more closely at the situation and whether the person I am working with has the mindset to change.  Many people that I have worked with have the question "Is change easy or hard?" Think about that one. Personally I think it depends on the mindset of the person. Change should be easy - with the right mindset and asking the right questions we should be able to look at the situation differently. But change can also be hard. When people have a fixed mindset it is often something that has served as a good purpose in the past - it's worked for them....

Last week I wrote about Motivation and the pitfalls of only relying on Motivation to achieve what we wanted. As we know Motivation is fickle and changes minute by minute. We need to have context around what we want to and a real purpose, otherwise how do we create the passion and energy that we need to be successful. I love the work of Simon Sinek - Start with the Why. I've used this with numerous people that I have worked with (including the husband) in order to gain clarity about what the person is actually trying to achieve - personally or professionally.  It doesn't matter what you do but why you do it. Recently I've just upped my training with my gym coach. There were numerous reasons I did this - but ultimately I went back to my Why . This had taken me a while - it wasn't just a "lets do more training" for the sake of it. I had sat down and thought about what I was trying to achieve by going to the gym. For those that already know me - it's...

I'm often told that I am a highly motivated person, or  that motivation drives me. I've never particularly liked that term as I strongly believe that motivation is just one aspect of why I do things and how I achieve what I set out to do.  For me the key is to have a number of things in place in order to achieve what you want to.  1) Aspirations or goals - we all need something to aspire to or to reach for.  2) Ability - how easy is it for us to reach? How difficult?  3) Action - what behaviours will we put in place?  According to Wikipedi:   Motivation  is the experience of desire or aversion (you want something, or want to avoid or escape something). As such,  motivation  has both an objective aspect (a goal or thing you aspire to) and an internal or subjective aspect (it is you that wants the thing or wants it to go away). The reason that we shouldn't rely on motivation soley to get us to achieve things is I believe for a number of re...

As I have trained in different forms of coaching over the last four years and become more confident within my leadership skills one thing that has had a huge influence on me is really understanding my own personality type. Coaching helps us understand ourselves more thoroughly and assists us to grow and improve in our approach to our life generally. I am a huge believer that we all need a coach within our life  and as I reflect on my passion for coaching the coaches I have had in my own life have had a huge impact. I've always had a coach when I think back - when I was playing top level table tennis, when I was cycling, running half marathons, within my workplace and my gym coach. Each coach has a different approach and I have taken a little part of everyone to make me the coach I am today. When I look back at the times that I have "lost" it's when I haven't had a coach.  Knowing our personality type can have huge benefits to our growth. It helps us see our streng...