Conversations


I started writing this post a number of weeks ago - and due to just pure exhaustion and the daily end of year grind it came to a complete halt. This was let down for myself as I have tried to make it a habit - but as the stressors of the end of the end of year started to impact it was important to let some things be idle and accept that this is what is was for the time being. Everytime I began to write I had a block - which is my indication that my brain was struggling to be creative.  It was a full on term, with so many new challenges along the way. Not just with getting things done but with problem solving different situations with a variety of people. One of the many things that we can easily forget in all our stressors is that how we see things is completely different to how others perceive things. For instance we may feel that we have communicated clearly but the person hearing it can take it and turn it around on to hear in a number of different ways. This can then have flow on affects in numerous ways - not just for the sender of the message but also for the receiver.  

Communication is the most powerful tool that we all have in our toolbox. Brene Brown talks about the notion of  "Clear is kind - Unclear is unkind". We are often too afraid to "hurt others feelings" especially in our leadership roles that we then go about feeding people half truths to make them feel better (which makes us feel more comfortable). Is feeding the half truths the best thing for the person that we are communicating with? Or is it unkind? Not being clear about our expectations because it is too hard for us or makes us step out of our comfort zone then when people fail to meet our expectations and we place blame we are being unkind. One of the many things as humans we do is to talk about people rather than to them. But having a robust conversation, where we can debate, argue, respect each other opinions and value what we bring to the table is far more productive for all involved. 

Communication is made up of so many skills - many of which we need to practice. Listening is a huge part of this, and as a coach I spend most of my day listening to what is really trying to be said. By asking the right questions and digging deep we can really start to hear what others are trying to communicate. How many times do we ask how others are but very rarely stop to actually listen to the reply. My husband and I have had to attend too many funerals this year of friends who have died very suddenly (not related to COVID) and this standard question that people often ask is pointless. Instead we've come up with a different toolbox to show our empathy and understanding instead. By upskilling ourselves in listening and questioning and thus being present we can quite a different conversation with our loved ones, our colleagues and even ourselves. And yes - even the stubborn teenagers.

As we head into Christmas think about your ways of communication with your close ones. Christmas for many can be a stressful time and a time when we spend time with others who may just rub us up the wrong way! So instead think about a couple of ways in which you can communicate more effectively with ones that you may struggle with. And how does it look for you? How can you be truly present with your family and loved ones? When we are fully present it makes others feel valued - how annoying is it when you are in a middle of a conversation and you get cut off, or someone looks at their phone instead?  Being present is also be willing to have open conversations that may push your values - but think about the best way to communicate your ideas clearly and honestly.  A few great question to ask here... 

"I'm curious to know more (or understand)"

"Tell me more..."

" Help me understand.."

"What more can you add.."

"I'm intrigued..."

"Explain further?"


I hope these might help some of the conversations you may have over the break. I think teenagers/young adults are the most intriguing to have these deeper conversations with. To get deeper thinking from them is always fascinating, especially as their perceptions are quite different to their parent! 

Until next time - enjoy some good honest communication over the break!



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