Cuff Coaching

  “Remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious. And however difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. It matters that you don't just give up.” ―  Stephen Hawking This week I've been reading the book "The Advice Trap : Be humble, stay curious and change the way you lead forever." The majority of this book I understand from all the work that I do in coaching and the readings that I do linked to coaching. As a coach we need to be curious. We have to ask the questions without giving the advice. It's something that we have to practice - and master. We so often want to fix the problem, to jump in and give our two cents (especially when we can easily see the solution). But this doesn't help the person that we are working with. Our job is to help them come up with their own solutions, their own ahaha moment.  So why is curios...

 Challenging conversations are something that occur often in a leadership role. Over the last few days I've had a few of them. We all hate difficult conversations. And yet they are something that we have to have often - whether it is in our job, with our kids, with our partner and so on.  I have yet to identify anyone that puts their hand up and says "yes, I'm happy to have that difficult conversation!" Instead the amount of times that people readily put their hand up and say "I hate having difficult conversations and am not good at them so can someone else do it?" is endless. No-one likes difficult conversations - there is something so confronting about having to have them. We tend to spend most of the time predicting what might happen if we have it, we tell our own story in our head over and over, we try to guess what the outcome will be, we have the conversation in our head...and so on and so on (sound familiar?) It's our fear of the consequences that...

This week I have been planning and organising my oldest daughter's 21st birthday. Whilst in the midst of all of the planning of the food and organising all the other bits that we have planned it has provided me with an opportunity to really think deeply about her character traits.  One of the traits that I connect closely to her is Courage. The dictionary defines courage as " the ability to do something that frightens one, be brave, show strength in the face of pain or grief." This got me thinking about what courage means for individuals and if she is even aware of this strong personality stance. From her teenage years she has demonstrated courage in all sorts of forms and has had the strength to say what she believes and to show up when she can't control the outcome of the conversation. I am immensely proud of her for this - especially when she has made some difficult decisions that have had an impact on her - but she has never wavered from her courage to speak up.  ...

 I am privileged in my coaching role to be privy to lots of open and deep discussions, where people can  be brave enough to show their vulnerability. This is one of the most important aspects of a coaches role - being able to listen, with non judgement, and to then help the person they are working with come to realisations themselves. One thing that I love about being a coach is being able to hear people and the stories they tell themselves, and then being in a position to help support that person to really know themselves. I've talked about this briefly before - Know Yourself. When you know yourself you understand your emotions, your social identities, your values and personality. You can then gain clarity around your purpose in life. If you know your purpose you will feel anchored in what you are doing and you as a being.  When you truly know yourself you are acutely aware of your values and your beliefs - these values and beliefs may change over time (and should) and y...

 Last night I decided that I was going to go to the gym after work today. I knew that I had a fairly free afternoon and I know that it is easier to lift when I've actually eaten throughout the day. The only problem is that since Lockdown I have moved my training back to the morning. I'm typically a morning person in general and don't function so well after 4pm. Maybe it's the 28 years of teaching that means I'm worn out at the end of the day, or the fact that as a child I was always up and about, even as a teenager.  So I have found by going back to the gym in the mornings fits better for me and how I feel. So with all real intent I decided to go to the gym in the afternoon - knowing all the reasons why I should. I can usually lift better, I'm not hungry etc etc...So what was the problem with my plan? My habits.  I wake up at the same time regardless. SO when I was wide awake at 5:30 I knew there was no point in even contemplating trying to go back to sleep. So ...

This year has been unique for everyone with COVID 19 and many people have had to adapt themselves. Whether it be their working situation, their home situation or just life in general. Certainly as a leader I am constantly reflecting on and observing those around me - often when there is a problem that needs to be solved I have to go back to the "What do I believe, how could I be wrong?" questions that will then help me look more closely at the situation and whether the person I am working with has the mindset to change.  Many people that I have worked with have the question "Is change easy or hard?" Think about that one. Personally I think it depends on the mindset of the person. Change should be easy - with the right mindset and asking the right questions we should be able to look at the situation differently. But change can also be hard. When people have a fixed mindset it is often something that has served as a good purpose in the past - it's worked for them....

Last week I wrote about Motivation and the pitfalls of only relying on Motivation to achieve what we wanted. As we know Motivation is fickle and changes minute by minute. We need to have context around what we want to and a real purpose, otherwise how do we create the passion and energy that we need to be successful. I love the work of Simon Sinek - Start with the Why. I've used this with numerous people that I have worked with (including the husband) in order to gain clarity about what the person is actually trying to achieve - personally or professionally.  It doesn't matter what you do but why you do it. Recently I've just upped my training with my gym coach. There were numerous reasons I did this - but ultimately I went back to my Why . This had taken me a while - it wasn't just a "lets do more training" for the sake of it. I had sat down and thought about what I was trying to achieve by going to the gym. For those that already know me - it's...