Whose business are you in?




I have 3 words written on a sticky note which I have stuck to the bottom of my computer (yes I still like the sticky note approach to make me remember things). It sits in the middle of the other two stickies- one being the BRAVING words that I have talked about in a previous post and the other being 3 main coaching questions that I like to keep on top.

This sticky note comes from the work of Bryon Katie "Loving What Is" and is something I use time and time again - both in my personal and professional life. In fact my daughter and I have had quite a few conversations around this and she is even using it in her conversations, asking the three questions.  It is extremely empowering and really makes us stop and think about whose business we are actually getting into. It also stops a lot of stress when we pause and stop and think this way. 

The simple premise that Bryon breaks these down into is you are either in your own business, someone else's business or in the Reality (God's business). Reality is out of my control, your control and everyone's else's business. A good example of this is the weather. Nothing we can do about it - it is what it is. When you argue with it - you lose, 100 % of the time. You can't beat reality. Bryon talks about how reality is easy for us to seperate mentally from. It's much easier to say 'it is what it is" and we know there is nothing we can do about it. 

However, much of our way of thinking and our high stress levels comes from when we are in someone else's business. We may worry about what someone else and how they should behave (yes we all do it, especially with our kids and partners). We may try to change someone, or we want someone to understand us more and get frustrated when they don't. We may spend more time focused on what others are doing that we forget to mentally live in our life. 

So if we spend such a lot of time in someone else's business , as Bryon comments, when do we mentally spend anytime in our our business?  This is where the work should be. This helps us to be present in what who we are and makes us aware of our body, our mind and our soul. It gives us time to breathe and to bring ourselves back to our reality. It calms us and makes us understand ourselves more. 

SO...here are tips for you to take on board, when you feel your blood begin to boil, your stress levels rising, your sleepless nights, your shoulders hunch over...ask yourself....

WHOSE BUSINESS AM I IN? Take a breathe and go through them one at a time. This is where the sticky note comes in useful.  I systematically work my way through each one and ask myself each question. 

- Decide on whose business it is
- If it doesn't belong to you then learn to step away from it.
- Deal with the issue front on if it is your own business 
(this is where coaching work comes in handy if you get to this step. We need strategies to build on if it is something that then stresses us out) 

Bryon gives you four steps that you can ask yourself in her book. 
Recommended reading:
Loving What Is - Bryon Katie

I highly recommend you read more about this before attempting to answer these questions:
 
 - Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know its true?
- How do you react when you think that thought?
- Who would you be without the thought?
- Turn it around. 


Until then ....next time you feel stressed check in with your sticky note - Whose business are you in? 
       











Comments

  1. Small steps to successJune 24, 2020 at 2:23 AM

    Questioning your thoughts is very powerful. Who would we be without our stories?
    Great blog reminder 👌🏻

    ReplyDelete

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